When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
