i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize