Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Randomize
