i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
