I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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