Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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