if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
