What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
