I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
