I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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