Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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