i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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