i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
