It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I yelled at your uterus for you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
