yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize