I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
