i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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