so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize