We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
