He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
