Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My feet surprised me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
