i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
