I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
