i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
