my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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