There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
