Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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