At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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