yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize