I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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