We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
