I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
