I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
