I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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