Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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