Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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