Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You did what with his pubic hair?
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