ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
