Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
