My first STD was from a foam party
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
