I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
why do cheetos always look like penises
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
