I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
