u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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