The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
