I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
