i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
