I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
