It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize