I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
