Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
