One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
zippers are such a cool invention
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
