last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
