I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
