Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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