Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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