Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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