My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
