Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
