Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
