Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
