i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
