We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
