watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
