I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
