Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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