his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
