Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
