Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
