eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
