I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
