One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
