I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
