just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
