Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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