Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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