Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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