Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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