do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
