Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
